Amateur Pussy

Remi doesn’t mind doing the work when it comes to fucking, but you’ve got to earn it first. How do you do that? Follow this guy’s example by fondling and sucking her perky tits till her nipples are hard as pencil erasers. Then lick her pussy like it’s the last ice cream cone on earth. After that, Remi will gladly get down on her knees to suck and jerk your dripping cock. When it’s time to fuck, she’ll get on top and do all the work with her pussy so you can lay back and enjoy the ride.

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Porn Loser is based on the website Pornloser.com and the DVD volumes of the same name. In this opener, two TSG staffers are at an editing deck, discussing the footage created by the Porn Loser. As one of them put it: “These are the adventures–or misadventures–of a porn-stud wannabe who found out that being a porn stud and director isn’t nearly as easy as it looks. He had the guts to do what few have dared to do. Porn Loser is the most-amateur porn ever filmed, porn so bad, it’s good. The camera shakes. Sometimes the angles aren’t quite right. The lighting? Not professional at all. However, the chicks he fucks are hot as hell, little fuck dolls who’ll do anything to achieve stardom.” Heather Anne is the first girl to get the Loser treatment in this first episode. This dude is a real schlub. But he does have the satisfaction of saying that he soiled hot girls with his rancid semen. At least he didn’t quit his day job, which was mopping the cum off the floor at a peepshow theater in Los Angeles. He wanted his face blurred so people can’t recognize him and egg his car. Visit the PornLoser.com site and take a look around when you’re done with this episode.

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There are some things even the Loser can’t mess up. Like Erika, a 25-year-old blonde who was raised in Missouri, lives in New York City and ranks as the Loser’s naughtiest discovery yet.

Yeah, he tries to fuck it up, like by asking her if she has any reservations about what she’s about to do. But Erika smiles and says in her little girl’s voice, “I think it’s going to be fun. I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of years, and the more I think about it, the hornier I get.”

It’s immediately clear that Erika has no reservations about sucking and fucking in front of the camera. She gets right into the blow job, and Loser gets into it, too, getting hard instantly, which is a change for him. Erika attempts to deep-throat him while looking at the camera, then after one failure, succeeds and gags on his cock.

“That makes my nipples rock hard every time,” she says. She spits on his cock and works it with her hand. She licks and sucks his balls, then deep-throats him again.

Oh, sure, there are the usual Porn Loser fuck ups, like the bright camera lights we see in the background while she’s riding him. But Erika refuses to be distracted, and so do we. She’s sexy, horny, sloppy, so into it that the Loser can’t keep his camera steady.

“Every time I look at that camera, I think about how naughty I’m being,” she says.

“I think anal sex is the best sex,” she says.

Can the Loser’s cock find its way into Erika’s ass? You’re gonna have to find out for yourself.

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Tyler, in the April ‘08 issue you admitted to fucking your mom’s boyfriend. How did that end?
“Well, as you can see, we are still fucking. I feel kind of guilty ’cause he is my mom’s boyfriend and all, but I just can’t seem to give up the dick. And he is so good at eating pussy! I tried to cut it off before but I just kept masturbating and thinking about his dick, so I figured, if I want it that bad, why deprive myself?”

We take it that your mom has not found out yet, then?
“No, she hasn’t. But she’s suspicious. I guess she’s seen the way he looks at me. Whenever we are all in the house she watches him like a hawk. So we have to be really careful. One time we screwed while she was asleep! He was spending the night and he crept into my room and woke me up by licking my pussy. I was scared to fuck him then ’cause we so could have gotten caught, but the way he licked my clit turned me on too much. After a few minutes of eating me out I was so horny I didn’t even care if my mom did catch us. I couldn’t resist his cock. Older men really know how to please girls!”

What do older men do better than younger guys?
“Young guys just want to bust a nut. Older men care more about your pleasure and they’ll work extra hard to make you cum.”

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Remi doesn’t mind doing the work when it comes to fucking, but you’ve got to earn it first. How do you do that? Follow this guy’s example by fondling and sucking her perky tits till her nipples are hard as pencil erasers. Then lick her pussy like it’s the last ice cream cone on earth. After that, Remi will gladly get down on her knees to suck and jerk your dripping cock. When it’s time to fuck, she’ll get on top and do all the work with her pussy so you can lay back and enjoy the ride.

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Our mothers used to tell us, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.” The Loser’s mother should have told him, “If you don’t have anything to say, don’t say anything.” But the Loser was never told this. Or maybe he was and he didn’t listen.

So here’s the situation, fellas. Put yourself in the Loser’s shoes: You have a sexy, 22-year-old redhead sitting on your couch. She’s wearing a red, strapless top and a short, black skirt that’s slit all the way up her leg. She’s in your house because she wants to fuck. That’s the only reason she’s there. But she seems a little nervous. So what would you do?

Put her at ease? Try to calm her down? Make her laugh? Talk about sex? That’s what we would do.

But what does the Loser do? He asks Andi about her friends and relatives back home. He asks, “What’re you gonna do if they find out?”

In other words, the thing she’s probably most nervous about is the thing he decides to ask her about. Way to put the girl at ease, Loser.

But he doesn’t stop there.

“Nervous?” he asks her.

“A little,” Andi says.

“That’s okay,” Loser says. “So am I.”

At this point, it’s a miracle the scene ever gets shot, but give Andi, who’s a paramedic, all the credit. She uses her mouth to resuscitate what should be a disaster and works his cock nicely. Even when the phone rings–hasn’t the Loser ever heard of turning off the ringer while shooting a scene?–she keeps going until he drops his load on her face.

At least he’s good for something.

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“I think I’m hornier than the average girl. Sex is always on my mind and I can’t even count the number of times my clit gets tingly. Is it normal to be craving cock as much as I do? Shouldn’t I care about other things besides getting my pussy licked? If it were up to me, I’d fuck all day and all night. My pussy has a mind of its own!”

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Chloe works in retail because she enjoys helping her customers. If you need help with sizes or finding a pair of pants, she’s on it in a second. But her services go further than that. Does your cock need stroking? Chloe is more than happy to lend a helping hand. Want to get your dick wet? Her mouth and pussy will get the job done.

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Sandra Blake excitedly drops by NaughtyMag Headquarters with one of our Models Wanted flyers. What makes her stand out from the pack? Our audition managers want to know. Well…Sandra says she can sing. However, one verse from Sandra and the manager calls for a cut. He has a better idea. And Sandra gets his drift fast. He would rather she audition for a cock-karaoke with his meat-microphone. Sandra is up for the task, and yes, she can sing his cock off. After she blows his pants off, she gets one of the hottest, sweetest fucks she’s ever had as he pounds he into the couch. The sweat drips down their bodies as they pump and bash in doggie, cowgirl and missionary positions. It’s a miracle that the couch doesn’t break apart. Drenched in perspiration from their wild fucking, Sandra opens her mouth for her much deserved liquid reward. She earned it!

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If you ever wondered what it would be like to see a girl fucking on a couch that’s floating through outer space, this scene is for you. The Loser screws up the lighting so badly in this scene that it looks like Aubrey is getting fucked into a black hole. We also get a good look at the Loser’s ass when he’s trying to cum on her face. Those of you who are into man-ass will love it.

Ah, but we should stop begin so negative, especially since this scene features a young, sexy, corn-fed Midwestern chick getting fucked on camera for the first time. Aubrey Lee is a 20-year-old, blue-eyed, strawberry blonde from Wisconsin, and the best thing about her is that she looks like the girl next door. In fact, as she tells us during the pre-fuck interview, the first time she’d ever been on a plane was when she flew out to California to fuck the Loser.

Perhaps she had dreams of big-screen glory. Perhaps she fantasized about getting the star treatment: a limo at the airport, hair and makeup by a professional stylist, a director who knew enough to turn off the camera when a dog started barking in the background.

But there was none of that for Aubrey Lee. Just some Loser fumbling with his camera while he tried to fuck her.

Successfully, we might add. It would be impossible not to get it up for Aubrey…who, by the way, has her kinky side. Give the Loser credit for this much: He finds hot chicks.

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